If i could turn back time, i would help you , i will protect you, i want to keep this relationship.

But i’m the weak one. I cannot do that all. I just left you like that. I don’t know what to do. If i can tell you at that time that what you’re doing are wrong , this would never happen. But if i open my mouth,it’ll hurt you. When you hurt, my heart will hurt more. But the way you talk when you’re with me , you never consider my feeling. If i’m hurt at that time. If i am angry at that time. All i do is the other part. The listener part. I like to be at that part when i’m with others. It’s different with you, my friend...

The truth is, if i just shut my mouth up. Maybe , this tragedy wouldn’t happen. And were all never be apart. Sometime i like to be hurt. Because if i hurt, the other or you will never be hurt by me. If i could be more brave. Maybe i could change you to be a better person. I’m not saying that i am a good person, so good, so innocent , so reconsider for other feeling. I’m not like that to tell the truth, i want to make you like that. So nobody get hurt.

Sorry for not being a good friend. For being a bad,awful,cruel friend. I know you hate me right now. That’s okay for me. You can let your anger at me. If that makes you feel better. but i have to consider other’s feeling that loves me more. That knows me more. There are so much good memories that we keep together these years. I’m so happy being with you when we talk about our favourite artist. When we’re so noisy at the class. I miss days like that. When we’re all together ,laughing,crying... but sometime that you don’t know at that time i’m being hurt by you. I have no courage to tell other that you hurt me so much. Because others will hate you. Enough that i’m the only one that you hate.

All the promise that we made, it just fade away like wind. When that terrible thing happen. If i could just close my mouth at that time. But i open my mouth just trying to protect you. I’m not reconsidering about others feeling. And the others hurt because of me and you. After that accident, i was so confused , i don’t know what to do. I’m lost. And you’re dragging me anywhere you like . but you’re not trying to forgive other’s. Because you think that it’s not your fault. I don’t know what is the right thing to do that time. But a friend help me realise that about what’s right. Do you know that days after. I ignore all call, sms, talking to other people than you. Because i only thought that you will be hurt by me. I’m not thinking about chulli feeling. When aki told me everything. At that time i know what to do. I know chulli do nothing wrong and all this time i’m only hurting chulli more.

I begin to ignore you. Everybody ignore you, i talk to you when we really need to talk. But the truth is i’m trying to run away form you. It’s so tough being with you. Oneday , i shocked that you apologise to chulli. I don’t know how to react at that time. But I’m happy at that time. But a little while chulli and aecha said to me that they still not comfortable with you.and they also told me that you apologise to her because don’t want to be alone. But you did it again, you hurt someone else again. After that , I don’t know what to say and do again. There’s a hole again. But it’s bigger this time. It seem chronic . it’s sad to think like that.

Today , i heard someone mention your name again. All flashback come suddenly. I felt guilty, sad, burdensome . she said that you got a job. And the real fact that i think now you’re alone. All those memories just fade away. Will our friendship will build up?

I’m sorry for not being a good friend. Sorry that i cannot understand you the fullest. I hope that you can meet other good friend other than me. That will understand you more. That will change you to be a good person.

Thank you for being my friend all these years. I will get over you.

I’m sorry my friend